When I make/see certain foods I think of certain bloggers. When I think of bourbon, Funfetti, and coconut I think of Jessica. When I think of Kimchi (he made his own) I think of Kevin. When I think sugar cookies I think Bridget (did you know she just came out with this: Decorating Cookies Party: 10 Celebratory Themes * 50 Designs ). When I think of cake I think either Amanda or Heather. When I think Whoopie pies or crumb cake I think Jessie (aka Cakespy).
Recently Jessie has been a brave woman sharing her struggles with her eating disorder. The road to self-love is a hard one, and one I think that people only really think about those of us with more cushion for the pushing deal with. Truth is woman (and men) of all shapes and sizes have a hard time with self-love and acceptance of the body they were given. My really good friend in high school was a really thin, tall guy. He wanted nothing more to gain weight and I at the time wanted nothing more than to lose it. I used to just want to say to him “shut up you should be so happy you are so thin” of course realizing as I grew up that he and I had the same struggle just in a different way.
I had gained weight recently (though my body is already starting to lose it) due to them upping my medication (which causes weight gain). I don’t know how much I gained since I haven’t stepped on a scale in almost 2 years but had to go up a pant size…so it was a significant amount to me. My big issue was not the weight itself but the medication really makes me feel puffy and uncomfortable in my own skin. And of course in creeps the doubt that my body is okay. But I chose to rally and focus on any positive out of this. Number one positive is that when I put on weight I have a pretty darn good butt (which my husband is quick to point out) and an increase in cleavage. And in TMI time, MDP tends to let’s just say be more into me when I gain weight. Just something I have noticed over the years. I know some will say that it’s because we are Newlyweds but we’ve lived together in sin for years before we got hitched 😉 (shhh don’t tell my parents).
Jessie is an amazing woman and I hope she continues to share her story as I know when I share I help others and I’m sure what she is doing is helping others as well. I had left over pumpkin from when I made the Toasted Hazelnut Pumpkin Pasta and had wanted to make crumb cake for a while…so why not use it for Pumpkin Spice Crumb Cake. While crumb cake purist will probably stick their nose up this is pretty darn tasty. I chose to make these as mini loaves so that I could give a few away.
Pumpkin Spice Crumb Cake
½ cup unsalted butter (I used Plugra), at room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar (I used Imperial)
2 large eggs
1 cup pumpkin puree
1 cup sour cream (or Greek yogurt)
½ tsp. vanilla extract (I used Rodelle)
¼ to ¾ tsp. of nutmeg depending on how much nutmeg you like
1 TBSP pumpkin pie spice
2 ½ cups cake flour
2 tsp. baking powder
½ tsp. baking soda
Pinch of salt
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup brown sugar, packed
¼ tsp. salt
¾ tsp. cinnamon
8 TBSP unsalted butter (again I used Plugra), melted and then slightly cooled
1 ¾ cup cake flour
For the Crumb Topping:
In a medium sized bowl, put sugars, salt, and cinnamon and stir until combined.
Add the melted butter and then cake flour and mix (hands work best for this). Set aside.
For the Cake:
Preheat oven to 325F.
Spray baking spray 4 mini loaf pans Chicago Metallic Non Stick Mini Loaf Pans, Set of 4(I use these all the time) and set them aside.
In a stand mixer with a paddle attachment cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
In a separate bowl add the pumpkin, sour cream, vanilla, and eggs and whisk until fully combined.
In another bowl add flour, nutmeg, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
Alternate adding dry ingredients, then wet, then dry, then wet, and finish with dry. Mix on low until fully combined. Be careful to not over-mix.
Using a regular size ice cream scoop, scoop out three scoops per pan. Even out with a spatula.
Evenly divide crumb topping (as evenly as you can) into pieces over top of the batter.
Bake for 35-40 minutes depending. Check by using a wooden skewer or knife to see if it comes out clean.
Let cool on wire rack.
A beautiful cake! Yes, sometimes when i cook and bake, some foods remind me of other bloggers…
Sometimes when I make recipes from blogs, I find myself jokingly using the bloggers’ catch phrases or saying things I think they’d say. When I get reminded of one while I’m cooking, I think that maybe I should tell them about it. I rarely have the guts to de-lurk and mention it, though. I’m still working on my social skills there. Funfetti definitely makes me think of you when I use it. Of course, half the funfetti recipes I made are from your blog, so I don’t really have an excuse not to think of you. 😛
Jessie from CakeSpy is really brave being willing to come forward about an eating disorder on a food blog. A lot of people seem to judge first, show empathy and understanding later, and they don’t realize how many people face the same body problems. Some people just have it at different degrees. There’s a fantasyland out there where everyone accepts how they are and takes care of themselves while still being nice to themselves…and does the same to others. We’ll find it one day. It’s a Rainbow Connection sort of thing. 🙂
Peabody, I don’t know if I will properly address how this entry touched me, but I will try.
First off, it is a beautiful thing that different foods remind you of different people. It’s almost like how foods have a sense of place–bagels have a different meaning in New York than in Columbus, OH; Nanaimo bars are one thing in Canada, and another thing (an unknown one!) in, say, New Mexico. 😉 It’s almost like that sense of place is applied to a sense of person – and that is a wonderful connection.
It was interesting to observe something in myself while reading your entry: part of me was like, “she went up a pants size? That’s nothing, I’ll bet she looks no different.” And I’m sure that to many you don’t, because I’m pretty sure that the people who admire you don’t do it solely based on your pants size. They (like me) see the wonderfulness that is YOU.
And yet at the same time, GIRL, I felt your pain. And I think that you hit it right on the head: the idea that you didn’t feel comfortable in your own skin was the really hard part. I still work with that, and I am pretty sure that even people who don’t identify as having food issues do, too.
As for turning up a nose to this crumb cake – well, no, it’s not a *traditional* NYC/NJ style crumb cake. But you know what? The backstory and the delicious factor more than make up for that.
I am proud to know you, call you my friend, and to celebrate this recipe. Even as a self proclaimed crumb cake elitist I would proudly serve this baby. <3
This looks fabulous. I do want to know how you got CCS to stand there for the picture without attacking it. My dog has no listening skills when it comes to food.
@Karen- she’s actually really good about it amazingly.
Carla (@charliesue) says
Love your words here and love this cake recipe!