Sweet ReciPEAs

Evil Treats from a Nice Person

Treats and bonus recipes right to your inbox every Wednesday.

In Sickness and In Health

When MDP decided to become legally bound to me didn’t realize he was going to have to deal with the in sickness and in health part so quickly. Recently I got awarded (sounds more exciting than stuck with) an illness and while it currently isn’t life threatening, it’s not all that great (no not cancer) news either. Some days it affects me more than others. I really don’t like to get into it but since it was affecting my life I had to start telling people as they were starting to think I was rude canceling all the time and/or saying I didn’t want to go out. So today’s post is going to be a little FYI on how to treat a friend who has a serious illness.

First off we don’t want pity. I don’t tell people 99% of the time about what I’m going through because I get the slight head pity tilt and the “I’m sorry”. Then suddenly even though what I have is rare they are somehow an expert in that illness and want to give you suggestions. Lots of suggestions. They mean well, they really, really do. But trust that your friend has doctors that know what they are doing by going to the medical school thing for a few years that slightly trumps your ability to Google about it. And whatever you do please don’t say things like “should you be doing that”? Again trust that we are the one living with the illness and therefore we can actually better gauge what we can and cannot do. 🙂

Understand that they don’t want to be defined by the illness. When my mother got breast cancer I remember her first night coming back from chemo. I called to ask how it went and she said oh I can’t talk right now I have people coming over for dinner. I said you cooked dinner?!?!? In my mother’s true fashion she assured me she just made “a quick” lasagna, some bread, salad, and a fruit cocktail cake, that’s all. I thought she was crazy but then realized that is what she needed to feel normal. So I let her do what she needed to feel normal, which for her was to throw dinner parties.

If your friend wants to talk about it just listen. If they don’t want to talk about it don’t push. Try to stick with things like I’m thinking of you, you’re in my prayers, I’m sending you good vibes, etc. Avoid things like Get Well Soon and Feel Better which sound good but tend to make the person kind of be like “yeah, I’m working on that” and also sadly depending on how their illness is progressing they might not be able to get well soon and don’t want to be reminded of that. Thinking of you is really the best one, at least to me.

People ask me all the time “is there anything I can do?” Yes. Here are some ideas:

If you are going to the store, pharmacy, bakery ( 🙂 ), errands in general ask if you can get something for them as well. This is great if you are a neighbor or nearby friend.

Drive them to their appointments, especially if they have something they have to go to weekly. My mother’s friends worked out a schedule to drive her to chemo and radiation as it was an hour and a half a way (each way) from where she lived.

Clean their house or if you are well off enough hire someone to come clean once and a while for them. I’ve had this done for me and it was seriously the best gift ever. MDP does a ton around the house but he also has work and kid activities and dealing with me, and that take up the majority of his time.

If they have kids that are in activities offer to take their kids to those activities especially if your children are on the team and you have to go anyway.

Be understanding if they have plans with you and cancel last minute. How someone feels can vary hour to hour. So you may have seen them out last night and they seemed fine but now just hours before you are to meet up they call and say they can’t. I can assure you they would prefer to be going out doing something than sitting around feeling crappy, so take it easy on them. They feel bad for ditching you.

Most people with a serious illness spend a lot of time lying around in bed or on a couch. Books, gift cards to download books, magazines, puzzle books, Netflix subscription, a fun pillow case, a stuffed animal, etc can be a way to brighten their day. If you live out of town this is a great option because care packages are way more fun than getting just bills and credit card offers in the mail.

If you want to do meals for them check ahead of time if they are on a special diet, and if they are respect it, the doctor put it on them for a reason. I still get to eat Swedish Fish so life is okay. 🙂 Also try and stick to tried and true dishes…maybe not turn them into a guinea pig after you get inspired by a show you saw on how to make your own blood sausage. Disposable dishes are the best as you don’t want them having to do dishes and keep track of getting things back to you. If someone is really sick try and gather a group of your friends to work out a meal schedule.

What can you the reader do for me if you are wanting to be a helper? Keep reading the blog! I’m still baking and rambling on I’ll be here, this is my normal. Comment on posts…let me know you are out there, especially if you are a lurker. Delurk, delurk. If you are on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, follow me if you aren’t already. If you do StumbleUpon I would love some stumbles and if you are on Pinterest I would love some pinning. If you are an Amazon shopper if you just click on the side bar (where there is an Amazon ad) that will take you to Amazon.com I will get a percentage of whatever you buy which will help with the medical bills and it doesn’t cost you a thing. If you have an ad blocker on consider as a favor to me to unblock my ads so that I get income from that as well (I know they are annoying but they do help us bloggers keep blogging).

Since I still am doing my normal I made these Key Lime Fudge Gingerbread Bars. It’s my homage to summer ending and fall coming in. I will say I didn’t quite know if these would turn out how I envisioned but they turned out really well. I think these would be great with lemon or orange frosting as well, I plan on making the orange version during the holidays. But I had key lime frosting (an impulse buy at Winco when I went hungry one day). I had made frosting fudge a few times (so easy) and thought it would make for a great bar topping…I thought right! MDP and the stepkids all approve of these with two enthusiastic thumbs up!


Print
Key Lime Fudge Gingerbread Bars

Ingredients

  • Gingerbread Layer:
  • 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 TBSP ground ginger
  • 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
  • 1/4 tsp. baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp. salt
  • 3/4 unsalted butter, at room temperature
  • 1 cup granulated sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1/3 cup molasses
  • 3 TBSP warm water
  • Key Lime Fudge Layer:
  • Key Lime Frosting (Pillsbury made the kind I found) if you can’t find use lemon
  • 2 cups white chocolate chips
  • 10 gingersnaps, finely crushed

Instructions

  1. For the Gingerbread Layer:
  2. Preheat oven to 350°F.
  3. Line 13x9-inch baking pan with foil. Spray foil with no stick cooking spray. Don’t skip this the foil really helps remove it from the pan.
  4. Using a stand mixer with the paddle attachment, cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
  5. Stir in molasses and water just until blended.
  6. Beat in egg and scrape down the bottom and sides of the bowl.
  7. On low speed add the flour, baking soda, salt, ginger, and cinnamon.
  8. Spread evenly in prepared pan.
  9. Bake 25-30 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.
  10. Cool in pan 15 minutes before adding the frosting layer.
  11. For the Fudge Frosting Layer:
  12. Place the white chocolate chips in a microwave-safe bowl; zap in your microwave in 30-second bursts until melted.
  13. Stir the frosting into the melted chocolate chips until smooth.
  14. Spread the frosting fudge evenly over the gingerbread.
  15. Evenly (best you can) sprinkle the gingersnap cookies on top of the frosting fudge. Press down a little on the bigger crumbs to get them to stick.
  16. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours.
  17. Remove from fridge and cut into squares…12 if you want really big ones, 24 if you want smaller portions. Let come to room temperature for best flavor.
https://www.sweetrecipeas.com/2014/09/07/key-lime-fudge-gingerbread-bars/

Stay updated!

My culinary concoctions and bonus recipes every Wednesday to your inbox.
Come to the Dark Side. We have cookies.

Comments

  1. These look amazing! I am a lurker, by the way. I love to read your posts and look at your pins. Know that you are an inspiration to me. I will be thinking of you and sending good vibes your way.

    Reply

  2. De lurking here also. Read each and every day but not sure if I have ever commented. I can relate to this post sooooo much because I have a daughter with a chronic illness and has been sick since she was 14 and is now 28. Have you ever heard of “The Spoon Theory”. It’s a really, really good explanation for those with chronic illness and how they have to divide up their energy by how many “spoons” they have left for that day. If you google it, you will enjoy reading it.

    Count on me to keep reading the blog. 🙂

    Kathy

    Reply

    • @Kathy I do know the spoon theory and it’s a great way to help people with the “invisible” diseases to explain what goes on with their energy.

      Reply

  4. I lurk but came out to say i never would have thought to put two “opposite season” flavors together but now I’m intrigued, might have to try these

    Reply

  7. Thinking good thoughts for you! While I’m miffed by the fact that Halloween everything seems to be taking over store shelves (I think it’s way too early!), I am not miffed by the idea of gingerbread all the time. Yum! Going to have to pin this. 🙂

    Reply

  8. Delurking here! Great photo! My husband was sick last summer and I was studying for a very hard exam at the same time. It was very isolating. I can say that any of the things you listed above would have been welcome!

    I’ll be praying for you. I know there is nothing you want more than to be better. In the meantime, I will be excited to see what you come up with for the blog (no pressure) but can live with the archives too! 🙂

    Reply

    • Thanks @jessicaisbaking sorry to hear that your husband was sick I’m hoping that since you used the past tense that he no longer is.

      Reply

  12. Yes, I am a lurker – but no more. The first post I read of yours was your reply to some commenter who was complaining that you didn’t have a print button for your recipes and how hard that made her life. It was excellent! Keep speaking your mind – it’s why I follow your blog. Good luck with your health – positive thoughts for you.

    Reply

  14. Not really a lurker, but not a commenter all the time – though a daily reader. I often forget that I follow you on Pinterest and when I see a pin that I think you would enjoy, I look to see it was you that pinned it. I smile each time that happens. Can I send anything from Arizona to brighten your days?

    Reply

  15. Hello Pea! I would definitely come and do cleaning for you if you lived in the UK. I am ruthless!
    I would make you cottage pie, all ingredients you would have okay’ed first.( Perhaps a Zot, a Belgian beer, to go with it?)
    I would also take the dog for a long walk and play with her , if she’d let me.
    Most of all i would love to give you all my jigsaw puzzles because I hate jigsaw puzzles! I would get you to bake with me because i think that may be fun for both of us. I would clean up the mess. I would rent a DVD or would like to watch Sixteen Candles with you. I have never seen it but i know you love it, so that would be fun.
    I am sad that you don’t live close by because i have retired from nursing now and need a project!
    Keep your pecker up, as they say here!( lol) Lots of love and good thoughts for you. I hope someone else can do some of the things I would love to do for you and with you! You deserve to be spoiled. xxx

    Reply

    • Oh @Melinda you are the best. Belgian beer is the best…especially when made by monks. 🙂
      My dog hates to walk but she would hang with us while we watched Sixteen Candles and ate baked goods.
      I appreciate all the things you would do for me if we didn’t have a large pond between us.

      Reply

  16. I’m glad you are still doing your normal because your sweet recipes always make me happy! Great suggestions for helping a friend… I’m sure it’s hard on both sides to know the perfect thing to do or say. It’s amazing how universally healing food can be, though:-)

    And if you need any extra anything from another blogger, just let me know!

    Reply

    • @Lauren- it is and I know people fully mean well when they say things. It’s hard to think of what to say. Kind of like when someone passes as well. I will let you know if I need anything, thanks for the offer.

      Reply

  19. It’s funny how very long-term followers like myself forget you don’t know us too! You have put not just recipes but so much of your life into your blog.

    A serious illness sidelined me for a couple of years, leaving me mostly housebound, and most of your advice was spot-on.

    One I’d like to add is don’t overstay your welcome. We love that you come to check on us, and bring us food and news of the outside world. But we might tire easily, or have already had guests (those spoons I guess), and don’t want to seem rude of unappreciative. If we are medicated, cut us some slack if we lack tact occasionally.

    I can’t see myself making these bars, but the one and only key lime cheesecake I ever made had a gingersnap crust, those two flavours are awesome together.

    I’ve been meaning to make some lime curd though, and the gingerbread crust sounds like a terrific fit! I will probably add a little chopped candied ginger to it as well to punch up that note.

    Reply

    • @linda yes! Great point about others overstaying the welcome. You really do get tired more quickly and even just sitting around talking can take a lot out of you.

      Reply

  21. Daily reader, occasional commenter! I actually became a devoted fan in the days when my illness had me severely sidelined and unable to work. Reading food blogs and baking were one of the only things I could do at the time. My illness has taught me SO MANY things, and yes, it SUCKS, but I would not be who I am today without it. Hugs to you – your posts always brighten my day, girl. You have such a gift. (And thank you for spreading some word on how to deal with others’ illnesses. Mine is an “invisible” one that is vastly misunderstood!)

    Reply

    • @stepahnie- I actually have an autoimmune disorder from birth (which they didn’t figure out until my 20’s and what I have now is separate from that) and people think I’m crazy when I say that I consider it a blessing. It has helped me not sweat the small stuff as well as come to peace with loving my body. And yes the invisible diseases are really hard for people to understand because “you don’t look sick”. Ugh.
      Glad to hear that I can brighten your day!

      Reply

  22. You really hit the nail on the head here. I kind of sympathize with people whose family/friends have serious illnesses or chronic illnesses because they can’t really understand how it is to be in the person’s shoes. They might want to or think they do, and they might mean well, but they don’t really “get it.” Whether it’s why you don’t want to publicize it to everyone you meet or that “I’m tired, can I sit down?” can really mean “I am so tired if I don’t sit down, I am going to fall down,” it’s a hard thing to understand when you’re basically viewing it from the sidelines.

    I also want to add one tip that I’ve learned from having an illness and having lots of family with illnesses (not that I think you need tips!): never treat it like it’s not serious or “not as bad as it could be.” I’ve had to hear that I’m exaggerating for attention or sympathy, and “at least it’s not cancer,” and “it’s all in your head because you’ve got depression,” and “you know there are people starving in Africa and kids being born with AIDS you’re whining and canceling plans over something that just means you’re sick?” Yes. Clearly it will make me feel all better to know that kids starving and dying in Africa have it worse. What a miracle cure. 😛

    I think you and I are both kind of lucky, though. Me, because I have someone like my mom, you, because you have someone like MDP. Someone who might not always “get it,” but who tries to, and who accepts it even when they don’t understand almost always. Or at least that seems like the way MDP would be, just a guess from how great a guy he is. So hugs from me to you. And major thanks for addressing this in a blog post. Now I need to forward it to, um, everyone. 😀

    Also of note, my grandmother is a citrus lover and a gingerbread/ginger cookie lover…so this seems right up her alley! Might go lemon instead of lime, just because I know she prefers it. After all, one of the best parts of baked goods is seeing them make other people smile! The other best part being eating them. Thanks for the recipe. 🙂

    Reply

    • @KB- excellent point about not treating it serious. There are always going to be people who are better off than you are and worse than you are but that does not take away from the struggles you are personally going through. Like I’ve said before I do have a chronic illness (not associated with what I’m dealing with now) and because it’s one of the “invisible” diseases many people will comment that I seem fine. Or they will comment that I play hockey so I must be fine. Sadly with the addition of the new issue I have only gotten to play hockey once in the last couple months and I miss it so. I’m hoping to be able to play a little more this season but it really does just depend on how I feel that moment.
      MDP does a really good job of getting it. While he sometimes forgets when I’m having a better day all I have to say is that I need to go home or lay down and he is like absolutely. Plus he is super positive about my outcome which is nice to have a rock as well.
      I think these would be great with lemon!

      Reply

  25. Ok, I am mostly a lurker. But a very faithful lurker who loves your blog and will try to not just lurk in the future! I also have a chronic condition that saps energy, so will send lots of positive vibes your way. Be kind to yourself!

    Reply

  26. Sending you healing thoughts and prayers! And making a mental note anytime I have to order through amazon to click through you from here on out

    Reply

  27. I’m pretty sure I’ve only commented once to say how amazing your eyelashes are because, come on, they’re beautiful! 🙂 Seems like such a weird comment, but I’m a blonde with very light eyelashes so I’m always a tad envious of those with beautiful lashes. haha!!

    Will definitely be praying for you and will try to de-lurk more often. I’ve tried quite a few of your recipes and they always turn out amazing. Thanks for all that you do for those of us who need someone to create recipes for us, definitely not something I can do myself. 🙂

    Reply

  28. I’m delurking to say I’m sending you the best, best, best vibes I can muster! I truly love your blog and recipes, and I love your sense of humor and honesty even more. You seem like such an amazing person, and I’m so glad that you share your thoughts and talents here. Much love from Alabama!

    Reply

  30. I’ve maybe only commented a time or two, but really enjoy your blog and recipes. I also follow you on Pinterest and even though 99% of the time I’m browsing Pinterest I’m looking for recipes or “easy” craft ideas since I lack the crafting-gene, I truly enjoy all of your inspirational “love yourself” pins. Also, my bf and I are flying out for Vegas in the morning and I re-read your Vegas blog posts a couple weeks ago just so I could remind myself of where you enjoyed eating. We are going to the place (can’t remember the name) where you got that awesome burger. I might try the lobster corn dogs that your hubby had tho. Yum! I guess I’m saying that I almost never comment (not sure why), I really am thinking of you, often. I’ll certainly send some positive vibes your way and I’ll think of you this weekend when I’m eating a delicious burger thanks to you! (Get Well Soon – Just Teasing!) 🙂

    Reply

  31. Hi Peabody – Will definitely keep you in my prayers. And will try to do a better job delurking in general. I love reading your blog and should be responding more often to you and others that I read. Thank you for always being so honest with us! Love you!

    Reply

  32. Awe, thinking of you Peabody. Illnesses, especially ones that people can’t always see, or ones that wax and wane and can be episodic, are challenging. People mean well, they really do, but it can be really hard. I’ve battled debilitating attacks of vertigo for over 20 years, and I just find it easiest to not talk about it. Your suggestions are so spot on. Sometimes a little understanding and a bit of a helping hand can go so far and mean so much. Hugs my friend.

    Reply

  33. But I love lurking and the occasional comment! Appreciate your comments on illness. So many people don’t know what to say when you tell that something negative in your life. My mom had breast cancer and just wanted to keep on keeping on, which puzzled some people. Continuing to live your life in the best way possible makes sense.
    I will keep you in my prayers. (and click through the links).

    Reply

  36. Delurking to say a quick hello and wish you the best. Through the years your blog has remained a fixture in my internet life while many others have gone by the wayside. Keep up the fantastic work! Let us know when you run out of flour and sugar, we’ll keep you stocked.

    Reply

  38. De lurking and sending all positive thoughts your way. It’s probably time that I thanked you for completely changing part of my relationship with my hubby of 25 years. He was very puzzled a while ago when he went to caress my tummy in bed and I didn’t flinch. For the first time. I told him he had “Peabody” to thank…. He just smiled and said ” I love that dog”. You change peoples lives…. I hope you know that. Huge hugs. I wish I could make you feel better as you did me.

    Reply

    • @lisa- thanks for making my week! And I’m glad you were able to embrace your tummy and let your husband embrace it too!!!!

      Reply

  39. I’m weeks late but still want to send some positive vibes your way. Dealing with any type of illness sucks so I hope you’re getting the support you need.

    On a side note? How’s your pup doing?

    Reply

  40. Finally catching up on blog-reading… I’ll have to delurk some more (gotta love that word… somehow it reminds me of Lurch of Addams Family! =) ). Wishing you a Refuah Shleimah (Hebrew for complete healing) and hope you’re feeling better now. Sending hugs. love, and positive vibes to you and to all who help you.

    Reply

Trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *